Happy February 35th!

"Thirty days hath September, all the rest I can't remember" says the jokester about the rhyme to remember how many days each month has. They tried to teach us the rhyme "thirty days hath September, April, June and November" in grade school. I prefer the knuckle method where you start on your index finger's knuckle as Jan with 31 days then the first 'valley' is February with 28 or 29, then the next knuckle is March with 31 (see a pattern developing here?) So all knuckles are 31 days and all valleys are 30 days except that pesky February. When you get to your Pinky knuckle for July you don't turn around, rather you jump back to the index knuckle for August which has 31 days also. What? How come 2 months in a row have 31 days you ask? Well accounts differ but I'll give you my take on the whys and wherefores.

• January: 31 days. Most likely named after Janus, Roman god of doors, beginnings, sunset and sunrise, had one face looking forward and one backward.
• February: 28 or 29 days. On February 15 the Romans celebrated the festival of forgiveness for sins; (februare, Latin to purify).
• March: 31 days. Named after Mars, the Roman god of war, the original first month in the Roman calendar. It was the first month of warfare because no one fought in the winter.
• April: 30 days. From the Roman month Aprilis, perhaps derived from aperire, (Latin to open, as in opening buds and blossoms) or perhaps from Aphrodite, original Greek name of Venus.
• May: 31 days. Pehaps named after Maia, Roman goddess, mother of Mercury by Jupiter and daughter of Atlas.
• June: 30 days. Named after Juno, chief Roman goddess of email.
• July: 31 days. Renamed for Julius Caesar in 44 BC, who was born this month; Quintilis, Latin for fifth month, was the former name (the Roman year began in March rather than January).
• August: 31 days! Formerly Sextilis (sixth month in the Roman calendar); re-named in 8 BC for Augustus Caesar. Both July and August were named after Caesars so one could not have more days than the other, hence two 31 day months in a row.
• September: 30 days hath. September, (septem, Latin for 7) the seventh month in the Julian or Roman calendar, established in the reign of Julius Caesar.
• October: 31 days. Eighth month (octo, Latin for 8) in the Julian (Roman) calendar. The Gregorian calendar instituted by Pope Gregory XIII established January as the first month of the year.
• November: 30 days. Ninth Roman month (novem, Latin for 9). Catholic countries adopted the Gregorian calendar in 1582, skipping 10 days that October, correcting for too many leap years. (Please take into account those 10 days when attempting to calculate the Biblical apocalypse or any other prophesied event such as the return of the Christ.)
• December: 31 days. Julian (Roman) year's tenth month (decem, Latin for 10).

So why is February the only month with 28 days? Well technically they all have 28 days but February seems to be the victim of Roman calendar tinkering. Before adopting an Egyptian style calendar based upon the solar year the pagan origins of the Roman calendar were based upon the lunar cycle. Recall that February was at the end of the Roman year which started in March so February fell victim of all shorts of adjustments to attempt to synchronize the calendar to the actual solar year. It had as many as 35 days depending on the needs to keep in step with the solar year. When Julius Caesar was assassinated in 44 B.C. (B.C.E for our politically correct numbskull friends) they renamed the 5th month in his honor and gave it 31 days. Later they renamed the 6th month for Augusus Caesar and gave it 31 days. They purloined these days from the caboose of the train, February.

FAIR PLAY FOR FEBRUARY!

It's time to address historical wrongs. Let's give poor February it's just due. I propose that all months have 30 days except February which is to have 35 days (36 on leap year). Think of these 5 days as reparations to February. Our only other alternative is to slow down the earth's orbit around the Sun by 5 days. Try to get THAT through Congress.

"Thirty days hath September and all the rest I remember except February which now has 35!"