Forgiveness

Let's talk about forgiveness.

I remember a few years ago when somebody in Georgia was murdering children was finally apprehended by the authorities. A Christian minister went on television proclaiming that "we must forgive this murderer". He went on to explain that it was our Christian duty to forgive. (And people wonder why I am not a Christian.) Well the whole incident really stuck in my craw. I, for the life of me, could not come up with a reason to forgive the killer. And more importantly the killer did not ask for forgiveness. So the incident was a catalyst for me to investigate forgiveness.

Most reasons given for forgiveness are selfish. That is to say we forgive so we may continue to grow and prosper in this life. i.e.. I forgive you so I don't get stuck in a negative mindset of hatred and/or bitterness. But what do you get out of this forgiveness? Especially if forgiveness is given freely and without conditions. How do you benefit? The answer is you don't. At least as far as I can tell.

My understanding of forgiveness in Judaism is there are 4 elements that must be met to grant forgiveness. I call them the 4 Rs and they go something like this: Remorse, Repent, Repay, Repair. A few years ago Doug Rand of the Santa Cruz Center for Nonviolence got into a heated argument with his neighbor and threw a stone through the guys window. (Delicious irony.) According to the 4 Rs Doug first needed to show that he was sorry (remorse), then ask forgiveness (repent), then fix the window (repay), then take an anger management class (repair). The last is to show true remorse and taking steps to avoid those kinds of incidents in the future.

Now compare and contrast Christian doctrine of forgiveness from God and Jewish doctrine. Christians maintain that if a person asks for forgiveness then forgiveness must be given. Unconditionally. No so in Judaism. Which method do you think a god would prefer? And this touches on one of the reasons I think Christianity is a scam. Free forgiveness... you get what you pay for.

Finally I'd like to add that, although I am not a Jew, I practice the 4 Rs method in my life. If you commit some offense against me don't expect forgiveness from me to be de rigeuer. You need to go through the steps, and conversely I will go through them if I commit an offense against you and want forgiveness. (Read those last 3 words again.)